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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I headed to the Ube City Hall. I had to drop off some documents. You know, boring archivist stuff. But when I got there, the line was insane! I mean, who knew city hall could be so popular? I was stuck there for ages, just scrolling through my phone, trying to keep my sanity. Finally, I got to the front, and the clerk was super nice. She even complimented my shirt. I was like, “Thanks, I got it on sale!” Small wins, right?

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